Hello friends, it seems like, you know, forever since my last article sorta mysteriously appeared on my computer, but I’ve been pretty busy with some real life stuff. Nah, I’m just messin with ya. I mostly just stare at the squirrels in my oak trees doing some of their, well, squirrel things. But hey, I’ve been really busy doing that.
Sure, there are other people out there already writing thrilling stories about our Government’s adventures, but that’s no reason I can’t do it too. I mean, yeah, I have more important things to do, but a man’s gotta sacrifice you know. Now, not a lot of people know this, but I have a number of really incredible supernatural skills. I can talk to animals. I can melt ice cubes just by using my mind, and I can sit through an entire Obama speech without gnawing my wrists open (okay, that one’s not true). But most important, is my uncanny knack for being a really sweet little bastard.
Let me start by telling all my fans(this is the part where both of you need to pay attention) it’s not that I hate liberals. I’m sure somewhere out there in the food chain they’d be a really good source of protein, but the nasty little rodents keep telling me that we’re all here to help others, and if what they say is true, then, exactly what are the others here for?
Thinking for yourself doesn’t hurt, under most circumstances it isn’t life threatening, but there’s obviously a bunch of mopey, mamby pamby nerds out there that seem to find it really, really unpleasant. If you studied all your life you couldn’t think of half the stupid crapola things our annoying, screeching liberal misfits come up with. If it’s considered unpatriotic, or somehow socially unjust for me to hoard my stuff ’cause I don’t agree with that whole spreadin’ the wealth thingy…..well just slap my ass and call me Benedict Arnold.
No tax cuts for you wealthy sleezeballs(does middle class includes those dirtballs that don’t pay any taxes?), and then we have the Dream Act for all you illegal morons ( hell, if you’re gonna steal from me you might as well be an educated thief),and then we have Cap and Tax for our friendly, pain in the ass tree huggers that think we’re all about to die in some cataclysmic inferno called global warming (um….seems they left out the part about it being cold enough right now to frost your balls). Yep, your Government really thinks you’re that mind bogglingly stupid….and, when they’re not working you into a snit, your caring little bolsheviks will pat you on the head, put on the leash and take you out for a pee(I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt you’re already house broken) but hey, at least you know they’re thinking about you. Kinda makes you feel all warm fuzzy with goose bumps doesn’t it.
I know we could probably spend all day addressing just a few of the Government’s more annoying fabrications, but it makes my brain hot. Personally, I can only take so much of this political chicken crap before I have this sudden and overwhelming urge to talk about this really weird, bumpy red rash on my butt.
Zowie! They just pulled Mr.Snirtle out of the river!!
